Caregiving is like a game of seesaw, on one side is the satisfaction of caring for our loved ones, yet on the other side is the stress of caring for the same loved ones.
Somehow in the game of Caregiving, we forget that in the center there is supposed to be an equilibrium called 'Caregiver's Mental and Emotional Health'.
Caregiving is like the U2 song, which is, "Where the Streets Have No Name", simply because for a Caregiver there are days when the road looks deserted with a dead end, there is no escaping.
When Gary Moore sang "Empty Rooms" it sounded like a story of a stressed out Caregiver, not because the room is empty, probably because the pressure of Caregiving leaves a Caregiver in a mentally empty state.
There are days when a Caregiver is in so much pain himself that the only song which probably resonates is "Send Me An Angel" by Scorpions.
While our loved ones expect "Love me Tender, Love me Sweet" like the song by Elvis Presley but then life is not a "Bed Of Roses ....while sitting here, wasted and wounded" as sung by Bon Jovi.
Caregiving is like "The Glass Bead Game" by Hermann Hesse, only because it is a game of permutations and combinations with unlimited possibilities which are cryptic, astral and emotional.
Caregiving is a chess game which has to be played alone, there are no opponents, the only winner or looser is our own selves.
Sometimes a Caregiver gets into an infinite situation of a Checkmate, simply because there is no option to quit, yet we can't win the game....
Ageing dynamics in India are changing fast, however in my opinion the shift is probably happening a bit too fast.
The family structure is becoming lopsided, not because the children do not want to care for the parents but primarily because of migration patterns; there are hardly any children available to order room service from.
The roles and responsibilities of Caring for loved ones especially older parents is not a single child's responsibility, it has to be shared, otherwise the possibility of Caregiving Checkmate is imminent.
At the societal level, India is not geared up to handle the existing pent up pressures being faced by family and professional Caregivers.
We are still a long way in creating structured mechanisms to address this burgeoning problem, and if we do not address this issue on a war footing then we might have a lot of Caregivers singing the song "I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy" by Bob Marley.
It is high time that India as a Nation which has always taken pride of it's deep rooted culture and respect for older people, starts some serious discussions and not just give posthumous awards.
At the end of the day, as Dean Martin sang, "Everybody Loves Somebody" is actually true, Caregiving is a matter of love but then at times too much love can become caustic.
Pankaj Mehrotra
