As they say, 'till death do us part' may hold true in most cases but then, death of a partner is never easy to overcome especially when both partners have been interdependent upon each other for 50 years.
In the old traditional Indian family structure, men were not the most proficient members in doing home management especially the ones who are in their 80's today. Majority of of the male members did not cook, had limited role in house chores or much expertise in hiring domestic help. This generation was truly interdependent upon each other.
The larger point of debate is, what happens when one member passes away or gets into a high dependence stage like dementia or becomes bedridden? How does it impact the mindset and life of the other partner?
Elvis Presley sang the song 'Don't Cry Daddy', which was probably meant for middle aged men who have lost their partner, but if one has to extended the same concept further then in today's time, the below lines will start making sense in the coming years.
Don't cry, daddy
Daddy, please don't cry
Daddy, you've still got me and little Tommy
And together we'll find a brand new mommy
Daddy, daddy, please laugh again
Daddy, ride us on your back again
Oh, daddy, please, don't cry
As longevity increases it is natural that the entire paraphernalia of living alone will come along with the bandwagon; symptoms like, loneliness, isolation, depression etc etc are typically part and parcel of living alone for extended periods of time. In such cases what should a senior citizen do who still has another 25-30 years to live alone, should they just sulk the whole day or look for another partner?
The trends are changing; it is not a taboo anymore to move ahead in life, gone are the days when a widower was seen with sympathy, an outcast or at times probably cursed. Though it is easy to say move on buddy but in practicality it does not happen that easily, which is mainly due to our inner outlook, social pressure and fear of family approval.
The urban and rural dynamics are very different, however the common denominator is, is it ok and acceptable for a single Elderly person to look for companionship or find a partner in their golden years?
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Pankaj Mehrotra
