Most children want to be the perfect support system for their parents, especially when the parents get “Old Old” and “Oldest Old”, the question is, is it that simple to be around our parents on a 24×7 basis?
In the Indian context, I keep telling my parents, they should be happy that I was not intelligent / bright enough, if I was, probably I too would have been living in a foreign land and would have been forced to outsource my caregiving responsibilities.
The larger point of debate is, who is right or wrong? Are children who are physically around with their parents the ideal children or those who are concerned children but had to move out of the country or the city due to work compulsions/opportunities?
In my opinion none of us are wrong, it is just a matter of circumstances which puts us into situations which are beyond our control.
There used to an old saying in the villages, if a child studies little bit then he or she will leave the house (basically will not work in the fields) and if children study more then he or she will leave the village.
I guess this logic holds true even in the urban settings, the harsh reality is, the complexity of Indian family system is difficult to analyse.
Children who are not financially sound tend to stay with their parents, in my opinion there is nothing wrong with it. End of the day it is an arrangement of convenience and our deep rooted culture of boys staying with parents whereas daughters get married and moves out.
An interesting part is, there are many regions in India where the boy moves out of his parents house and goes to live with the wife’s family.
The larger point of debate is, India has been witnessing a shift in the living patterns of families. In today’s time many parents prefer to live separately yet close to their children.
This trend of parents and children living seperately yet nearby, calls for a serious debate on how to create residential facilities for the older people within the neighbourhood and urban setting.
I guess as a country we need to go back to the drawing board and define a roadmap for urban planning especially w.r.t Senior Living.
Pankaj Mehrotra